In a house full of children, there is nowhere to hide.
"Sometimes the only way out is to dip to their level"
Teenager vs. Crazy Mama
Today I learned a very valuable lesson. When dealing with a teenager, they have youth and speed on their side. You can’t out run them. I mistakenly forgot my son does not share in my sore achy joints as well as my aging lung capacity. So when trying to make a mad dash for my bedroom as a rash attempt to escape his, “I know everything because I'm a teen and I’ve seen it on YouTube,” conversation, my pursuit to escape failed miserably. As if being locked in a house wasn’t bad enough, I found myself now locked in a tight confined bedroom with this pretentious teen.
I spent the first couple minutes trying to figure out how I got myself in such a situation but as my son raddled on I quickly changed my directional thought to, “How do I get myself out of this position?” I thought about making a mad dash to my connected bathroom, but that didn’t work out so well with the bedroom attempt to I could potentially be in a much worse predicament. I didn’t even know what he was saying at this point. Blah Blah President Trump, Blah Blah fake news, Blah Blah fake virus. I can feel his inflated head sucking the air from the room.
My eyes glaze over as his words just bounce around my head in no particular order. I just start nodding in his direction hoping that if he feels I agree with him he will go away. “Do you even get my point at all mom?” He snaps at me, no doubt now realizing that I have left my body and gone far far away from this conversation. I quickly pop back to reality, “Yes, yes I absolutely understand where you're coming from,” I reply, hoping that now he will set me free. Then he asks the dreaded question I knew was coming next, “What mom, what do you understand?” CRAP!! How the heck do I know. I understand I want out of this pointless teenage nonsense conversation. I understand I want my freedom back. I understand this quarantine is going to be the death of me. This of course is nothing I can say to him, so now what?
I wonder if this is how the conversations go with my teen daughters, do they tune me out like this? They get the same glazed over eyes and I leave the conversation frustrated that they didn’t listen to a single word I said. That's when it dawned on me, I can take a page right out of my daughters book. I put my face in hands and start to cry uncontrollably. I would like to say it was an act but quite frankly the tears came pretty darn easily. I sway back and forth as I cry screaming out, “Why are you doing this to me, why do you hate me so much?” He starts to talk and I scream and cry even louder. “Why, why do you hate me so much?” Then I lay it on thick, “ I hate my life why was I even born?” I was totally channeling my own teenage girl from within and it was working so I went with it. It didn’t take long before he screamed out, “You’re crazy, you’re just crazy.” He then stormed out of my room as he slammed the door. That's right, your mama is bat shit crazy so take your little adolescent, know it all, teenage brat butt and get the hell out of here and while your at it lock the door on the way out. OK I didn’t say any of that last part, that would have in fact been insane and would have started that mess all over again but I was thinking it, I was thinking it hard core.
I'll be back tomorrow with more family drama. Until then I'm signing off one Crazy Mad Mama!