Average mother of normal sanity and likability. Last seen entering the deep back hole of quarantine.
Apparently my 9 year olds desk today
"Kids are the best gift a woman can receive." I don't know about you but I rather fond of my Kitchen Aid!
Quarantine to madness, we can get through this!..?
I have been at this whole motherhood thing for a while now, a little too long if you ask me. With 4 kids and 2 grandkids I’m pretty impressed that I have enough sanity left to even sit and type this blog, not to mention the time. They don't tell you in the (What to expect when you’re expecting) books that you need to expect to lose your mind. I think it's something that just creeps up slowly, lurking in the shadows little by little stealing a piece here and there. A mother could go her whole life and never even realize this is happening to her. That is until something horribly drastic happens... Quarantine!!!! My little something creeper is no longer hiding in the shadows stealing a bit here and there he has grown some big fat gonads. That menacing little demon has wacked me kooky with a bag of nuts and a fist full of bananas.
I woke up this morning got out of bed, redid my knotted ponytail on the top of my head. You know what I’m talking about when the hair is so knotted there is just no way to brush through it anymore so you just keep adding the fallen strands back up to the twisted pile. I stumbled in the bathroom to pee, changed out my underwear and pj bottoms to clean ones since they were already down. I'll change my sweatshirt out tomorrow. I brush my teeth, is there still any logic to this anymore? I’m not sure at this point, I guess good dental hygiene is still a thing but who knows. I've been locked away in this house way to long to know if people still do these rituals. I make my way to the kitchen, COFFEE!! I need so much coffee to get through the day. I know the kids will be up soon and since I’m now the mother and the teacher I need a strong beverage before these monsters come out of their caves. Is it too early for wine? I don't even drink wine. Should I start drinking wine? This is a question I will no doubt revisit soon.
I found out a few weeks ago that I am not essential to the workforce. My job is in fact unnecessary to the world. That was such great uplifting news but to add salt to the wound I was informed I would of no choice to my own be forced into a new position as teacher, a job I have been brutally advised by my children over and over again, "That I SUCK AT!! Nonetheless this is my new role so I was determined to throw myself in and be the best home school teacher any kid could hope for. That was how I went in a week ago. Books all laid out at the table, computers and tablets all charged ready to go . Lesson plans piled nicely in front of me as I sit with my pencil and notepad eager to answer any question presented to me. Like I said that was a week ago. Today as I sip my coffee half alive I scream out from my recliner "Get up now, it's time to do this this." As the whining complaints stroll in with each child, I have no problem reminding these little life suckers that I don't want to do this either. I too do not want to be here, I’m not so fond of you at the moment as well, you think your frustrated with this math problem how do you think I feel? Why do you think I sent you to school. How am I supposed to know, look it up on the internet there has to be a cheat site somewhere online.
School consists of screaming tantrums, pencil throwing, paper ripping, book slamming, and crying, lots of crying. All of that is just me! We make it through, every day we push on. There are a lot of recesses and many time outs," those are mostly reserved for me." We push through. Today's break down started with a message to my daughters teacher explaining to her that I was going to skip this weeks school work and that we could start back up next week and for right now I'm going to just spend my time crying in my bedroom. She immediately called me after receiving this and said, "Look let me talk you down off the ledge, we can make it through this." This was very sweet and she did calm me but thinking about it now, can I really make it through this? I am losing a little more sanity each day. This makes me wonder who will the woman that emerges back into society be when this is all over. After watching the whole Tiger King craze unravel on netflix I learned you can't just release caged animals back into the wild, they can no longer fend for themselves. What happens when I’m finally liberated from this child coop, will I even remember how to communicate with other adults? Will I break down in tears when someone asks me a question? Will I ever be able to get this knot brushed out of my head? Can I even be reintroduced back into society? Can any of us?
One thing is clear in all this uncertainty, some day we will all be set free, that seems to still be a plausible assumption. Probably with a greater appreciation for our teachers and a few less marbles floating around the noggin, but yes we can get through this.
I'll be back tomorrow with more family drama. Until then I'm signing off one Crazy Mad Mama!